Sunday, November 11, 2007

nooses

I got an email this morning from a black woman Christian writer.

The upshot of the email is that we black women must be very careful how we use our blogs and cyber talk because the powers-that-be in the (white) world will use our own words to make nooses and hang us.

She suggested I be very very very careful about what I say and how honest I am because white people have a great deal of power. A black person, therefore, must know when to be quiet. You know: the old "be very careful about being too honest with white folks because they'll just think you're bitter or angry or uppity" warning.

Ah gee. I hear what she's saying. And she's probably right. My problem is this: I have battled fibromyalgia for 23 years. For instance all this week I slept maybe two or three hours each night. And last night I went to bed at 9 and woke up two hours later at 11:30 and was up all night. Typical. Fibromyalgia has a lot to do with stuffed down anger. Plus my son has had to battle non-verbal autism. And try being sleepy and handling that kind of thing during the day. I'm 48 and I truly believe that because I personally tend to stuff down what I think I have destroyed my health. I really can't afford to stuff things down anymore.

But even so... I'll be careful in the future. I'll try to put my thoughts about my personal issues only in my books. As my friend warned.

Black women are always telling each other what to do for our own good. It's stifling and I'm sure this "protecting you from yourself" kind of warning has perversely been the cause of major illnesses in our bodies. We make each other ill by forcing each other to be silent in order to preserve each other's health and livelihood. And honestly, I felt this horrendous wave of tiredness and rebuke flow through my body as I read through her email. Reminded me of all the silencing stuff that got pushed down my throat when I was being raised by my Methodist minister grandfather. I tell you...black folks rebuking other black folks (however gently) are responsible for ruining moods, health, and projects.

Of course, there are certain kinds of people in the world who get really uncomfortable when they see someone who doesn't quite conform to standardized behavior. I had a friend once whose clothes always matched. Always. Once she visited me wearing yellow socks, yellow, shirt, and a yellow headband. Honestly, except for her jeans, she looked like a gigantic banana. She wanted me to go somewhere with her. But first...she wanted me to change. I had on a purplish shirt and greenish jeans. "You don't match," she said. As if the fashion laws were as unchallenged as the cosmic spiritual laws. I didn't answer her back. (I told you: I allow folks to tell me what's wrong with me but I rarely tell them what's wrong with them.) But I did think she was seriously rigid.

So yeah, it might be that this advice-giver is someone who is closed off and simply freaks out whenever she deals with folks who she considers odd. And black women are notorious for reining in folks they think are "not behaving right." Personally, I think the world is too full of black folks hiding their hearts from white folks. But maybe, like Anne Frank, I still trust in the kindness of human nature.

Even so I'll be careful about how I speak about my own issues in the future. And I'll be very very very careful about what I reveal to white folks.

I've never been an advice-giver because I understand how wounding it is to a person's soul to be "lectured" but I tend to kow-tow when someone gives me "advice" for my own good. And to prove my point, while i read her email I deleted all the personal rants on any blogs I'm connected to. It might make my blog a bit safe and bland...but it'll make me safe too. At least that's what my friend says. And we who are in a fibromyalgia battle value our emotional safety.

Thanks. -C

4 comments:

Veronica said...

Hmm, I don't know if I agree. I hate the feeling I get when I'm not
honest about my pain and feelings because I'm afraid of offending white folks. We've all been there
and I understand where she's coming from, but it seems the only ones
that end up suffering from all the repression is us...don't you think?

Unknown said...

I say that if you are backed up by the Word, and don't put all your eggs in the Capitalist basket, then you don't have to worry about a noose. The powers-that-be are not God. Jesus warned us that we cannot serve two masters and I am just as guilty as anyone else of trying to live the American Dream (which to me is the other master.) In my middle age I am torn between wanting to be like my rich relatives, my middle income relatives and friends; and wanting to live the life of Tolstoy.
***
I have found that in my life, when I turn from God, then I am at the mercy of evil forces of which racism is one. Therefore, it's easy for me to say that racism is the reason I am not where I need to be in life. For example, I work in housing at an amusement park. In spite of my education and vast experience, when I speak - these folks don't listen. And I've been insulted by seeing high school students and foreigners get supervisory postions over me. Being a Black male, I can attribute my station in life to racism and can go running to Jesse and Al. But had I stuck with the Lord, I wouldn't be in this position in life. And I've had opportunities to make lots of money in things that don't interest me. So I have no one to blame but myself. To sum it up, when you don't put your complete trust in God, it leaves you open to evil. When you put your complete trust in mammon and displease mammon, you open yourself up to having mammon place the noose around your neck and hanging you.

Wes

Tia Nevitt said...

Just so everyone knows, I'm white.

I think we all have to be careful. Just this past week, I rushed to my blog to change some things that I had said about a shady publisher because I realized that it left me open to a lawsuit. There doesn't seem to have been any fallout from it, so I think I deleted it in time.

Oftentimes I'll write my posts then leave them sitting unpublished on Blogger until I can reread it at a later time. I've deleted many, many posts this way, and they are all posts where I've gone off-topic. I have one unpublished post that I wrote yesterday that I may never publish.

A good way to get stuff off your chest is to go ahead and write it . . . and then don't publish it right away. Give it time to peculate. Then, after about 24 hours, go back and reread it. You might find yourself changing things considerably. Happens to me all the time. This approach has the benefit of allowing you to write your rant, but you don't have to deal with any potential fallout.

Yes, it's stifling. But we are in a public forum where everything is archived in perpetuity. Carole, I hate to say it, but your deleted posts are still archived out there, somewhere. Most of it will eventually disappear, but some of it will stay archived as long as we have an Internet.

Just knowing this is enough to scare me into keeping my blog strictly on-topic.

Carole McDonnell said...

Hi Ronnie, Wes, and Tia:


Thanks, Tia, for the warning. Ah gee! Well, I'm hoping I learn about life quickly. Hopefully no Christian publisher or reviewer hold anything against me. I did whine about them I guess. Will see.


Thanks, Ronnie, for the urge to be honest and not racist and self-hiding. I just don't want to distrust my white friends just because they're white. Or even because they're in power. Just seems like paranoia to me. And then it would make me feel i don't know how to read people. But I definitely will be more careful.

Thanks, Wes, wise words! Preach it. Yes, we always have to hold to him. And yes, mammon is at war with us because it is at war against God. -C

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