Sunday, December 09, 2007

Chutzpah, Avoidance, and Cringes

Well, I've been re-reading my book, Wind follower. And three things impress me about it.

1) Chutzpah.
Dang, I was bold. Honestly. Christian and pro-life stuff written plainly for all to see conquering all my fears of atheists. And sexual stuff written plainly for all to see, conquering all my fears of judgemental pious priggish Christians. I kinda feel they come from the same place: some very immature part of me that doesn't like being bullied by anyone. I think I'm a bit spoiled because I don't want to challenge myself to change this part of me. Ambience and being all-hail-fellow-well-met with folks I don't like is just not my forte. It took me so long to not succumb to the "fear of man" that now that I've gotten all bold...I don't even want to seriously analyze my tendency to just say what I think.

2) Avoidance.
Dang, I'm sensitive to sad stories. I'm one of those folks who cannot watch certain movies because I don't like scaring myself or upsetting myself. Still haven't watched Kramer versus Kramer cause I can't deal with divorce issues. (Yeah, I know. But maturity isn't my special talent.) I've discovered that I actually wrote some scenes and chapters that upset me so much I don't want to read them. I hate suffering and I get so sad at the stuff Satha goes through I find myself skipping her chapters. Yep, I'm skipping stuff in my own book.

3) Cringes.
Dang, I'm a crummy proofreader. Okay, sleepiness and fibromyalgia aside, I really could have done a better job on some of my more glaring mistakes. Gabriel Garcia Marquez says there are over 99 mistakes in his book One hundred years of solitude. Okay, maybe Wind Follower doesn't have as many but still. Why do I give the Third Wife brown hair and then later make it red? Why do I have someone use the word "penniless" when that world doesn't even have a penny? Aaargh. The brain, folks, the brain.

Still and all, it's a good little book. And I'm proud of it. Cringes, avoidance, and chutzpah and all!
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